A Very Orange Embrace of Winter
by Aliada
Summary: "You are too many things at once, Kee. So, that's what you are for me. Everything." (written for GatheringFiKi's 12 Days of Christmas (2019) event)


_**A/N:**__Apparently, the existence of citrus in Middle Earth is questionable, so there is a low likelihood of dwarves ever encountering it/being interested in it in the first place (like, they don't even eat green food), but I thought it'd be fun to kind of 'fuel' Fili and Kili's obsession with orange things by suggesting that they had ale with oranges and while the taste was strange they only really cared about the color. Well, and since oranges aren't explicitly mentioned, you can just consider it some unknown dwarf plant :D Anyway, the whole thing turned out to be more symbolic than literal, but that's just something I tend to do more often than not._

_Work Text:_

Suspicious ale, scarves and the biting embrace of winter. Fili remembered it well. He was only thirty-nine at the time, and that particular age brought him great joy because it meant that the coming of age ceremony was not very far off. Kili pouted a bit at that particular reminder, but mostly remained his usual cheerful self throughout the day. Orange-colored things helped greatly with that. They were obsessed with the color of late, and that obsession almost rivaled Kili's obsession with braids and beads.

At that day, they drank hot ale, which was of course orange. Fili had little idea as to how it got this way, but it also had this strange refreshing taste that might have been the reason behind the color. Or was it the other way around? He suggested the idea to Kili, and since that time they were busy trying to analyze the strange substance flowing top of their mugs. Kili offered lighting it up, but Fili wasn't sure it would be a great idea. If mother or Thorin saw… Dissecting it was a much better plan. But when they finally caught the thing and tried to cut it into pieces, it exploded with juice that burned their mouths. Kili sneezed and threw the offending piece away. Fili wasn't far behind. In short, the experiment was unsuccessful. It was almost as bad as eating occasional green food. He could never understand how other species did it.

"And especially the el…"

Fili was quick enough to put a hand over Kili's mouth before he uttered the offending word.

"No, Kili! Uncle forbade us to mention them,"

Kili's expression turned stormy for a moment, but he was quickly distracted by the delicious cookies that went with the strange ale. And so was Fili. Their distraction lasted long enough to clean the plate right off.

"It was a nice color, though," Fili said.

Kili nodded happily, stuffing himself with the remainders of the cookies and sprinkling the crumbs all over himself.

Needless to say that their mood soared anew when their mother gave Fili a big orange scarf, which was also warm and slightly prickly. Kili, who was smaller than him in build, was especially amused by the size of the thing. Naturally, the first experiment they conducted was to wrap Kili in the scarf. Kili was only too happy to try various combinations, and they only stopped when they were breathless from laughter. Or rather when their laughter attracted Thorin and his raised eyebrows which were always a sign of upcoming annoyance and needed to be treated with caution. Kili smiled at him, disarmingly, as only Kili could and Thorin's expression warmed almost instantly. Fili had an impression their uncle was trying not to laugh and he made a mental note to mention it to Kili later when the appropriate occasion arose. His brother had always been especially eager for Thorin's affection, and if he felt that he wasn't given enough… his temper tended to resurface and lead to more irritation from Thorin. At those times, it was crucial that Fili said just the right words. So Fili got used to picking such 'gems' throughout the years and using them to placate his little brother, which was no small task. No one could calm Kili like he could, and he'd be lying if he said he didn't take great pride in that. Fili was so lost in thought that he didn't notice Thorin's gaze traveling to him.

"Uncle Thorin, Fee is upset that he's not allowed to get the beads yet," Kili said in his 'I'm being very helpful' voice.

Fili looked at his younger brother and frowned. That only served to further widen Kili's smile. He supposed it was revenge for the teasing earlier in the day. And he couldn't say he didn't deserve it, but still. Could he be a bit more subtle about it?

_Fee. _They haven't used these names for a good five years. Well, to be truthful, Fili might have broken that unspoken rule in the morning when his irritation with Kili's tantrum reached massive proportions and forced a response out him that started with "Kee" and ended with "being childish", which, in retrospect, was a very explosive combination. They laughed it off afterwards, as they always did, but with the appearance of Thorin Kili's dark mood seemed to resurface.

For a moment, Fili considered answering with something equally biting, but then he caught Kili's expression. It wasn't exactly regretful, but he lowered his eyes and tagged uncertainly at the long-suffering scarf, refusing to meet his or Thorin's eyes.

"I can wait. One year is not a long time," Fili said.

In truth, it wasn't the best he was capable of, and, predictably, it did nothing to prevent the sulking murmur from Kili's side.

"But five is."

Apparently, allowing Kili to play with his scarf was not only entertainment but also a decent anti-tantrum strategy. Thorin seemed to appreciate it as well, judging by the amused look in his eyes and the half-embrace that followed.

His uncle had such strong arms, and his presence was the most soothing thing in the world. Fili felt himself melt into that feeling of safety.

"You can't have the real beads now, but since I was very pleased with your behavior recently, you can have something of a preliminary version. I trust you'll know what to do with them,"

Amusement from Uncle's eyes seemed to leak into his voice, but Fili couldn't even give it much thought because he was struggling to breathe through his excitement. Beads! Uncle was letting him have beads now! Not _the beads_, but still the closest thing to them! Fili threw his arms around Thorin's shoulders, evoking a soft grunt from him.

But what about…

"Kili, come here," Thorin said.

Kili's face was almost invisible from under his undone hair, which he'd refused to braid today. But they both knew that he was paying attention.

"Kili," Thorin repeated, not a hint of impatience in his voice.

Kili lifted his head sharply. That gesture could have easily be interpreted as annoyance or anger, but Fili knew him well enough to realize that it was embarrassment. And so did Thorin.

There was a hint of endearing hesitation in Kili's eyes, and Fili realized that even if he had indeed been angry with his little brother that look would've wiped that anger clean off.

"I'm sorry, Fili."

One smile was enough to relieve Kili of his fears, and Fili was once again enveloped in a warm hug.

"You can have one of those training beads, little brother. But only one, or I will make it so that you'll have no hair to braid."

Kili huffed at him, punching him lightly in the shoulder.

"And what shall I do with one bead? My hair is thick enough to make at least two braids. Not like yours at all. "

It was now Kili's turn to block the attack.

Thorin frowned at them, but his eyes were soft.

Knowing Kili, he shouldn't have been surprised at the three-way hug that followed.

Thorin didn't seem to mind in the slightest.

Kili's thirtiest name day meant a lot of responsibilities for Fili. First of all, they were finally allowed to go in the forest, so Fili had to watch his little brother. Of course, they were going with Uncle and Kili wasn't so little anymore, but Fili liked the thought very much.

"We're going to hunt for the dinner," Kili said proudly, and Fili nodded. It was also a nice thought.

Their Uncle threw them an exasperated look but said nothing.

Then, Fili realized that they didn't have any weapons.

"Will you give us your bow, Uncle Thorin?" as ever, Kili approached the problem in a very straightforward manner. Fili wasn't sure that it would bring a positive outcome, though.

After a long explanation, Fili realized two things: they were too young to hunt, and they were to stay very close to their Uncle. Kili seemed reluctant to realize either. Instead, he pouted and, when that didn't work, began to complain loudly. So, Fili's first task for today was to make sure that their Uncle didn't lose his patience and didn't end their adventure right there.

Thankfully, he had considered that beforehand. Fili dug through his pack and brought out a carved wooden deer. It wasn't a real deer, but it should buy him some time before his brother became frustrated again.

Kili's eyes widened at the sight, and Fili could almost touch the sudden warmth in his chest. At that moment, he no longer felt the biting embrace of wind. And evidently, neither did Kili, if the happy lights in his eyes were anything to go by.

The warmth intensified further when he'd caught the ghost of a fond smile on Uncle's face.

Fili pulled the still enthralled Kili closer to him and brushed the sprinkles of snow off his hair. Usually, Kili would've protested loudly against such treatment, but Fili guessed, these weren't usual circumstances. Apart from feeling older and wiser (something Kili would've very likely scoffed at had he heard Fili's internal monologue), there was something else he couldn't quite nail. The only thing he knew, it'd burned just as brightly within him as Kili's unspoken but very eloquent gratitude and Thorin's approval. It was something big and beautiful, and it made his chest tighten with an abundance of newly found feelings.

Kili made a strange noise at the back of his throat, and Fili turned to look at him.

"You were making such a funny face, Fee!"

A funny face? And apparently, it was a very funny face to be able to distract Kili from his new toy, which, knowing Kili, will probably end up forgotten in a week or so. Fili felt slight unease at that, but it was a silly thought, so he hurried to brush it off. Kili was… well, Kili.

And now Kili was smiling. Fili struggled a bit because he was still just a little disgruntled about the 'funny face' comment, but then promptly gave up feeling his face relax into a familiar response.

Kili's eyes sparkled anew, and Fili knew exactly what would happen next. The arms wrapped around his waist and squeezed with a surprising amount of force.

"Thank you, Fee! It's the best gift ever!"

The words came out as a fervent whisper, and Fili found himself grinning. Kili wasn't particularly fond of whispering, his usual style included loud rather than quiet, but when he was affected by something beyond his ability to express, whispers were one of the telltale signs of that. Another one was a forehead pressed snuggly to his shoulder and a quietly demanded 'tighter!"

Fili chuckled but didn't release his hold for the fear of making his little brother even grumpier.

"If I squeeze you any tighter, there will be a pile of…"

Instantly, the insistent grip disappeared, replaced by a very meaningful grin.

"Of what?"

Internally, Fili groaned. He didn't think this through, and now there were going to be consequences that only Kili could deliver. He should've just squeezed him without arguing.

Fili searched his head for a suitable answer, but found none. Apparently, that was his second task for today. Or not…

Suddenly, his attention was captured by a blur or orange and white making its way towards them. In the two seconds he had, Fili considered the following: he had no idea what that identifiable object was, but it could be potentially dangerous. Uncle Thorin had always warned them against touching identifiable objects or coming in contact with these objects. Fili remembered that particular quote better than he would wish after he and Kili stumbled upon some strange-looking plant and nearly tasted its poisonous berries, stopped only (and miraculously on time) by Uncle's frightened roar. After enduring some more shouting (this time relieved), they were given a list of 'not to touch' objects and forced to memorize every single one. By the end of it, Fili swore to never touch anything he was not sure about and Kili began inventing new objects to avoid the far less likely but nearly as painful death by boredom.

The speed of this identifiable object left Fili frozen for a moment. Apparently, it was going to contact them on its own. Still, Fili refused to be defeated. So he pushed Kili behind him, lifted his pack and prepared to meet the foe fully armed. Or at least a little armed. The foe seemed to lose a great deal of confidence as it paused suddenly and, after little hesitation, chose another, less risky direction. Meanwhile, Kili freed himself from his brother's hold and ran after the clearly defeated thing, cheering gleefully all the while. Fili wanted to join him, but the hand on his shoulder stopped him.

"Kili!"

The cheering stopped. With a single look at Kili's back, Fili realized that it was going to be a struggle. Indeed, his brother made a move as if to continue.

"Kili,"

This time, Uncle's voice held more warning. It seemed to work, but one could never be completely sure. Not with Kili.

"Come on, Kee. We've defeated it."

Fili tried to smile reassuringly, sensing only too acutely what powered that near-outburst.

Kili turned to them, disappointment clouding his features.

"No, _we_ didn't Fili. _You_ did!"

The silence fell. Thorin let go of his shoulder, but Fili wasn't quite sure what to do with that freedom. He took a few steps towards Kili, expecting an angry or at least an irritated response. Instead, all the fight seemed to go out of his brother, replaced by the look of sulky melancholy. Fili found himself getting tired, so he just opted for taking Kili's hand in his and squeezing tightly. It wasn't exactly a pressure of a hug from earlier, but it was a close thing.

"Everything," Fili said, feeling that he's finally found the solution to the riddle.

"What?" Kili asked, startled.

"It would be a pile of everything. I can't decide. You are too many things at once, Kee. So, that's what you are for me. Everything."

Kili made his second strange sound for the day, but, unlike the first one, this one was almost choked up.

The hurt of disappointment went away, replaced by the look of confused vulnerability. Fili felt an unexpected burn behind his eyes that could only matched by Kili's slightly quivering lip.

"I didn't think about doing it. It just felt like… the right thing to do, you know?"

"I know," Kili nodded.

Fili knew he did. They both did. Sometimes you just got those feelings and they didn't disappear until you did what they wanted, there was no way around that.

Apparently, their Uncle thought otherwise.

"Yes, you most certainly did not think," he said, with more than a hint of reprove in his tone.

Fili winced, while Kili opted for his usual tactic while dealing with such situations – a wide-eyed innocent expression. Uncle didn't seem impressed, though.

"What did you do wrong?"

Fili tried to speak, but was interrupted before he could utter the first sound.

"No. Kili?"

Kili stared at the ground for a bit, and Fili hoped with all his might that he wasn't going to say something along the lines of 'My only regret is that I didn't push Fili away and fought the thing myself'.

"We didn't try to contact it. Honestly, we didn't! It just came,"

Fili released a sigh. It was going to be a very long explanation. Still, at the end of it, they've established that while they were brave for standing up to the thing, running after it afterwards wasn't the wisest decision. Kili sulked a bit more at that, but the rest of their adventure was disappointingly uneventful. Partially because no other thing tried to attack them (to their regret), and partially because Uncle had been keeping an even closer watch over them. They weren't even sure there was any hunting. There was some shooting, so it should've been, but there was no game. Fili and Kili pondered the matter for a bit but didn't reach any conclusion. Asking Uncle wasn't a wise move, either, judging by his put-out glare.

It was only on the way home that they realized that they never asked the name of their foe.

"Do you want to know?" Fili asked.

Kili shrugged.

"Not really. Let's make up our name instead! That's much more fun! How about 'Fast and Scary Beast'? And then we can tell everyone stories!"

Fili grinned at him. Yes, that was going to be a very nice, _fun_ day.

"But who do we tell first?" Kili asked, almost anxiously.

Fili gave him a meaningful look. Kili's eyes lit up and he nodded. Yes, definitely Master Dwalin.

The 'Fast and Scary Beast', although fast, wasn't all that scary, but rather scared. After the encounter with the two short but surprisingly menacing-looking things, it seemed to go into shock. So now it was running blindly around the forest, hoping to regain its inner balance. Maybe a rabbit could help, but finding one amongst that chaos was a nearly impossible task. "The world is definitely changing, and not for the better," it thought, miserably.

And being a fox was a challenge even on best days.

In comparison to the long-suffering fox (also known as 'Fast and Scary Beast'), Fili was feeling quite accomplished. And if the deer clutched tightly in Kili's hand was anything to go by, he felt the same way. He didn't even release it when they were telling their grand battle story to Master Dwalin, which might have diminished the impression a bit. But Kili didn't seem to care about that and neither did Fili.

Dwalin grunted approvingly at them and asked to repeat certain parts of the story, for emphasis. Not that his asks were always voluntary, but at the end, it was the result that counted. By the end of the tale, Dwalin was shooting increasingly desperate looks to their Uncle and both Fili and Kili were both hoarse from the effort, which meant warm ale and an early night. And that brought Fili to one more task for today. Kili couldn't be the only one coming up with stories, after all, could he?

The night was starry and glorious. They've never been particularly fond of the night light. Too cold and distant for their taste. But telling a story about one? That was a different matter entirely.

After drinking enough hot liquid to drown in, they've finally settled down for the night.

And night meant…

"So, what is this story about?" Kili asked, just a bit impatient.

Fili pointed at the invisible sky.

"A ceiling?"

Fili sighed.

"Why would I tell you a story about a ceiling? What is there interesting to tell about a ceiling?" he asked, just a bit impatient himself.

Kili frowned.

"A ceiling can be interesting too. When we were fighting the beast, it wasn't that interesting, either. But then you started to fib about going after it and showing it its place and other stuff that didn't happen. So yes, you can just take stuff and make it interesting."

There was little Fili could add to that, apart from the fact that he didn't fib entirely, or the fact that Kili fibbed some himself, but it didn't seem like a proper defense, so Fili decided to give up his ground. For the time being. Kili grinned at him, clearly satisfied.

"Once upon a time in other world…"

"Which other world?"

Apparently, he wasn't going to finish that tale today. In fact, he wasn't even going to begin it any time soon.

"I don't know. Just some other world. The same as ours, but smaller and more restricted. And with magic as well," he hurried to add because magic could explain a lot of unexplainable stuff, which would prevent Kili from asking too many questions. Fairytales didn't need questions to be good. Fili wasn't sure how he knew that, but he just did.

"So, in that small restricted world, under the cold stars, there lived two children who had no parents," Kili shivered at that, and Fili couldn't help but catch a slight wavering in his own voice. Still, it was nothing a good blanket wouldn't be able to fix. So, Fili tucked the blanket around them and resumed his tale.

"So they lived with their Aunt instead. At first, she cared for them and was kind to them, but then they became a burden and she decided to send them into the forest."

Kili hushed at that and turned his unblinking stare to Fili.

"To hunt?" he asked, almost timidly. "Or maybe to fight monsters?"

Fili only shook his head, and Kili went silent again, his eyes bright and attentive.

"So the children wandered under the cold stars with their dim light. They asked the stars to show them the way, but the stars remained unmoving and deaf to their pleas,"

Fili turned his eyes up, and even though he couldn't see the sky, its coldness made him shiver anew.

"I'm so glad we're here. Aren't you, Fee?"

Fili nodded and let Kili's head rest on his shoulder. They both took the sip from the orange ale, and even though they liked to complain about the taste, now, none of that seemed important.

"It's so bright, isn't? Like fire," Kili murmured.

"Yes, bright, warm fire," Fili echoed.

"Did the children find their home?" Kili asked.

Fili thought on that for a moment. He'd have liked to say that they did, but such good things very rarely happened under the stars. They had to be… what was that word Balin liked saying? Yes, realistic. They had to be realistic about that.

When he said that to Kili, Kili protested. He didn't want to be realistic.

"But what about magic?" he asked.

Fili put his forehead into his hands, realizing suddenly that he might have had too much ale.

"Magic is magic," he grunted, in a perfect imitation of Thorin, which made Kili giggle.

"But magic also didn't help the children. Not until their last breath," Fili finished menacingly and turned to look at Kili.

Kili looked positively scandalized.

"Is that the ending?" he demanded.

Fili's head felt heavy and sleepy, but he decided to fight it, because fighting Kili was more costly at the end. So he gathered his scattered thoughts and went on.

"The children decided to walk around a bit, in hopes of finding some familiar face, but they encountered no one. After that, their heads became too heavy for them to carry, so they had to lie down."

"Under the stars?" Kili asked, disbelievingly.

"Yes," Fili answered, keeping a suitably grave tone of voice.

"As the snow was falling, they were covered completely, as if by a blanket."

When Kili jumped in the air and kicked the blanket from them, Fili realized that the last words were a mistake.

"This blanket is also blue, Fee! We have a blue blanket!"

Being sleepy as he was, Fili couldn't find it in himself to be as emotional as Kili, but Kili was definitely right. A blue blanket was just… wrong.

"So the children fell asleep and they would've never woken up if it wasn't for the small bird."

Kili's eyes widened hopefully.

"Was this bird…"

"Orange?" they finished simultaneously, grinning at each other.

"Yes, of course it was," Fili confirmed, feeling quite satisfied himself.

"Where did they go afterwards?"

Fili shrugged.

"But they didn't go back to their Aunt, did they?" Kili asked worriedly.

Fili shook his head energetically and guided Kili's head on his shoulder once again.

His brother relaxed instantly and let out a content sight.

"We are so lucky we have Thorin, aren't we?" he said in a relieved voice.

"Yes," Fili agreed. "Both Thorin and mother. And Balin, and Dwalin, and…"

By the time they finished that list, both could barely keep their eyes open.

"Who was that bird, though?" Kili murmured, in the last attempt to fight sleep. But Fili knew it wasn't a battle they were going to win.

"I don't know,"

And he really didn't. Just like the tale, it all came to him in a flash, grasped his thoughts and refused to let go until this very moment.

"I guess it's what you want it to be."

Kili hummed thoughtfully, and Fili felt a smile appearing on his face.

"Like our today's beast?" he asked.

Fili nodded, beyond the ability to produce coherent words.

"Like warmth of the fire, like interesting stories, like smiles, like…"

The last one was almost indistinct, but Fili was able to catch it, and it made the warmth in his chest explode with a tangle of feelings he couldn't quite identify.

His hugs might not be the best, but the most important thing was that they were "my Fee's hugs". For that, he could endure anything. His Kee's eyes closed slowly and his head became heavy.

Fili stared some more at the sight and realized that sleepiness was no longer with him. So like his Kee to leave him like that. And his Kee was going to answer for that tomorrow.

They could allow themselves the luxury of tomorrow. After all, they had all the time in the world.

But at the moment, he was quite content with the present, which included listening to the beating of Kili's heart and feeling like an accomplished big brother.


End file.
